Domestic Violence (DV) is more common than we think. We now know that more than 1 in 3 women and more than 1 in 6 men will experience violence at the hands of an intimate partner during their lifetimes. In Philadelphia, the 24/7 Domestic Violence Hotline operated by Congreso, Lutheran Settlement House, Women Against Abuse, and Women In Transition receives roughly 12,000 calls each year.

For children living in homes affected by domestic violence, the impact can last long after the violence ends. Moving, separation, or divorce can further disrupt a child’s sense of safety and stability. Children who witness abuse might experience fear and guilt about being unable to stop the violence and anger toward one or both parents. They might struggle to understand why someone they love would hurt their parent.

Children often communicate their experiences through changes in behavior. Some might display intense emotions, like difficulty controlling impulses, outbursts, or aggression toward siblings or peers. Others might internalize their feelings and appear completely fine on the outside, while experiencing sleep problems or anxiety about leaving the parent who was harmed.

For parents who have experienced violence, recognizing these behaviors can be challenging. Parents might become hypervigilant and closely monitor their children for signs of distress, making it difficult to tell the difference between normal childhood behaviors and trauma-related responses. However, children actually show more emotions and behaviors when they feel safe enough to express themselves. Often, their actions are not necessarily attempts to create problems for the family, but instead, attempts at seeking connection. 

At Lutheran Settlement House, our Bilingual Domestic Violence Program Advocates and Counselors emphasize that healing begins with validating what children have experienced. Children might have conflicting feelings about the person who caused harm, including love or a desire to maintain a relationship with them; these feelings can exist alongside anger and other emotions related to the violence. Adults should talk honestly and calmly about the violence their children have witnessed using developmentally appropriate language.

Parents also need support. There is no single “right” way to parent after domestic violence. Connecting with a domestic violence advocate, therapist, or another trusted person can help parents process their experiences and prepare for difficult conversations with their children. Domestic Violence Advocates can also safely plan with the parent if there’s another violent incident.

Most importantly, children and survivors can heal. They are not broken. It’s just that healing is not always linear, and it takes time. Children can hold happy memories and painful experiences at the same time. Giving them space to express those feelings while maintaining safety and connection is an important part of healing, not just for the child but also for the survivor.

To learn more about our services and how you can support survivors, visit us at https://lutheransettlement.org/ or follow us on Instagram @lshphilly and Facebook @lutheransettlementhouse. On October 7, 2026, join us for Groove for Good, a dance party celebrating the strength, resilience, and joy of survivors.